If someone were to ask what drives you, what would you say? Maybe it’s determination to be a better you, maybe you value family above all else, or perhaps you just want to explore more of the world and are driven by curiosity.

I was posed this question recently, and to be perfectly honest I didn’t have an answer. I have been living day to day with no real sense of purpose or drive other than self-preservation.

So I was asked to reflect for a bit on what is important to me. And I did. I asked myself questions about what I want out of life and the kind of person I strive to be. I also considered the things and people and experiences that have influenced me and forged the person I am today.

I wrote down a list of ideals – about 10 or so values that I felt could define me or my life path. It encompassed everything from creativity to friendship, and gave me a general idea of the things that are important to me.

I could have stopped there. There’s nothing wrong with having 10 personal values, but I was tasked with defining my top three, so I set aside a quiet afternoon to reflect.

What I decided on were stability, confidence, and ambition. These are all attributes that I believe in with my whole heart and am working towards every day. They are my compass as I traverse life.

Personal values are a core part of your identity and can help you understand the things that are most important to you, and are the jumping point to living a fulfilling life. By defining your own you can understand the things you stand for and can forge a path forward, including making important decisions and even defining how you interact with the people around you.

Each person’s set of values is as unique as the person themselves. To find yours, you need to step down a path of self discovery. Because when you really stop and think about it, we don’t choose our values. They choose us.

There are resources out there with exhaustive lists of examples of core values, such as this one from Scott Jeffery. But when you’re reading through the rows and rows of words, remember to focus on what is inherently meaningful to you, not just the ones you think sound the best.

You might sit down with a notebook and a cup of tea like I did and let your thoughts flow. Maybe you’ll meditate on it, or have a quiet reflection on the circumstances that have brought you to this moment.

However you approach it, you’ll want to ask yourself things like, “when was I at my happiest?”, or “what types of things make me feel the most fulfilled?” Questions like these can help you see the best version of yourself and determine the central theme to your happiness.

I hope I’ve given you a starting point in this journey of self reflection, and invite you to share the values you landed on with me in the comments.

Wishing you the best of luck and authentic happiness.